is this really it?

i forgot about tumblr since i have twitter. i will try to update this more now though. i am homeless. it’s not fun. i am at a 24 hour dunkin donuts using their wireless because i have nowhere to go tonight. i thought i could stay here until dawn, but they only let you have an internet code that lasts 60 minutes. fuck.

Immaturity is the act of compromising yourself in an unhealthy relationship.

This isn’t rocket science and for damn sure isn’t a new revelation. Such a simple concept yet how many people do we know constantly repeat the cycle of, “man, why do my friends only go for crazy motherfucking girls?”
This leads to a few conclusions; either A, our friends are not as intelligent as we would like to think, or B, our friends are just as emotionally fucked as the people they are dating. (because who you date is a direct reflection of who you are, what you find attractive, what you find acceptable, what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re willing to be subjected to)

Maybe its you that I’m talking about. Maybe you are the moron who continually makes excuses for your boy/girlfriend. Maybe its you that perpetuates this cycle that continues to let shitheads go unchallenged. Maybe its you that secretly knows that this person isn’t worth your love yet you continually chase after that one night he kissed you goodnight under streetlights so hard it made you float back into your room to write a livejournal post about, “how amazing and perfect he is.” But he’ll never kiss you like that again, and despite all attempts of re-living that night, he will perpetually disappoint. Because that night, despite all good judgment, you idealized. You see these people as the end all be all of love, when in reality, we are simply smelly and flawed boy and girls. We refuse to see faults and flaws when most of us are smart enough to know that no one comes wrapped in a little yellow bow and that none of us shit strawberry ice cream.

So why do we continually fall for the same shitty boy and the shitty girl rouse?

Well, that butterfly feeling in your stomach is your worst enemy. That is the feeling love makes when its storming the castle wall of common sense. That’s what it feels like when someone’s smile has gotten the best of you and conned you into thinking that he/she is everything you’ve ever wanted. And that’s where we go wrong, because that’s when we believe that someone can ‘complete’ us.

True love is when we complete ourselves, anything less is giving in, trading down and selling out.
True love is when we are mature enough to say, “No. No thank you,” to someone who, despite how they glow under the moonlight, forgets to call the next day. (P.S. No one ever really ‘forgets’, its just a sign that they don’t care as much as you would like to think they do). To say, “No, fuck you,” to the cute little rebel boy who continues to string you along and break your heart.
True love is knowing who, not only genuinely deserves, but is willing and excited to treat our love in a manner in which it deserves.
True love is not giving time to shitty boys and shitty girls because we know we are better than that.
True love is knowing the difference between someone completing us and someone ‘complimenting’ us.

True love is someone who will not eclipse our glow, only enhance it.

it is funny the way things work out.

I really hate talking about race/white privilege on the internet. or in general, actually. all it does is make me mad and no one gets anywhere. people seriously need to be required to take sociology 101 before they graduate high school. and again in college.

“ Peter Hammond, a UCLA professor emeritus of anthropology who teaches a course on “White People,” provides a good analogy: “If you ask a goldfish about his environment, the last thing he’ll mention is the water.”

The same can be said about white privilege. While most of us – white people, that is – believe racism is awful, it’s hard for us think of ourselves as accessories to a social system that privileges us.

Admitting our privilege is scary because it implies that maybe we’ve attained our position – at a top university, expecting a comfortable life and decent salary – unfairly and undeservingly.”

I have a great 
big bed to roll around 
in and lots of space 
and i don’t dream 
bad dreams like i used 
to have that you 
were leaving me 
anymore

Now that you’re gone 
i don’t dream 
and no matter 
what you think 
i’m not lonely 
sleeping 
all alone 

-Nikki Giovanni

i wish i were as clever as ferris bueller.